Closing Time

The Happy Recap (part 1 of 2) will be up on the site tomorrow, but I was going to start it with one of these and then just kept having fun with it, so here you go to hold you over until tomorrow:

-The Dragons close games like a 130 pound, balding, freshman male closes the ladies
-Drexel closes games like the Eagles win titles
-An anonymous Make-A-Wish patients only wish was to change the channel whenever Drexel went up by 4
-Drexel is as effective closing games as a blind man is in a strip club
-Tom Yeager just offered to permanently move the CAA Tourney north of the Mason Dixon if Bru promises that DU will never have a 5 point lead with 2 minutes to go again.
-While watching the game court side, Bobby Knight threw a chair at himself
-Barack Obama is making House Republicans watch Drexel trying to hold a lead to make Obamacare look good
-Drexel closes out games so poorly that Penn is no longer afraid to play them at the DAC
-Watching Drexel try to close the game out Friday was so bad that it made Devon Saddler want to go to class
-Hofstra students have offered to stop wearing grease in their hair if ESPN never airs a Drexel lead again
-The NCAA says their regulations are based off of Drexel's end of game offense
-Watching that game made the the creators of Alcoholics Anonymous think that drinking was a good idea
-BREAKING:  Bruiser Flint hires new assistant Andy Reid to help players with clock management
-The Denver Broncos watched tape of their game against the Patriots and then the DU games this week and felt pretty good afterwards


And my personal favorite:

The blown leads by DU this week were so concerning, Dr. Eric Zilmer is considering diverting funds from the squash program to assist.

Lastly:

Drexel closes games better than Alabama does!